When I was 11 years old I was playing near the fence in the school playground. I looked down where the buses park and saw a beautiful boy getting on the bus to go to the high school. Every day after that, until the school year ended, I would wait by the fence for Kim to come into sight for those few seconds.

On february 28th at 3pm many of Kim's friends, family and friends of family showed up in Dunham to share in a much needed memorial service.

There were people I had not seen in 16 years, and some I had seen only last week, and some I had never met before. Ralph played a very moving guitar piece, followed by a beautiful Eulogy from Seann that painted a picture of Kim that was as touching and revealing as the painting, also by Seann.

I lived with Kim for about three months back in the fall of '90 in Port Alberni BC. Hundreds of stupid things we did still stand out in my mind as absolute madness. Oh, don't get me wrong, Kim and I weren't the only ones to come up with these acts of retardation. Kim's brother Scrap had more than his share of slightly *off* things he wanted to try.

Tonight though, one mild mannered tradition stands out in my mind.

After I approved the recent submissions to poetking.com, I started to look through my old emails from Kim. Nothing really stood out tonight except this email from Kim and his brother Scrap. This is the last email I received from Kim.

This scrapes the surface a bit into the fun that Kim would help promote, and those around him grew to appreciate.

January 5th 2004 3:17pm

"Crankshaft there!
You've been on my mind recently. Please get off! Happy
new year to you and yours. I hope to see you at some
point in the new year, umm, at an as yet undisclosed
location and I will be incognito with attending
familiar as I expect will you.
I am not kidding, meanwhile back at saucerbay 4
something exploded and saucerman defiled
saucerboy...incognito...with saucerthing.
At any rate, back in saucerbay 3 nothing exploded and
everything was fine. However saucerthing was not
present and remains, still, undetected.
Anyways, as I was saying, saucerbay 2 is still sealed
off from public scrutiny...
So den, as I stand here in saucerbay 1, typing this
message to you, which I trust you can decode.... In
closing my response to your last query is yes.
Signing off,
Scrap."

Images, thoughts keep repeating in my mind. I live in a world that seems surreal right now because the world I've known for the last five years is one in which he exists. It is hard to reconstruct my reality to the point that I no longer hear the phone ring and think it might be him. Somehow, getting these words out helped - though I know they are hard, hard, hard.

Here is a poem Kim sent me last year. It was still at the rough draft stage but it is revealing:

Here is a poem by Ezra Pound that Kim said contained "beautiful imagery. Just my idea of love. A certain untamed rawness, everchanging, but never dying."

--- Be in me as the eternal moods
of the bleak wind, and not
As transient things are--
gaiety of flowers.
Have me in the strong loneliness
of sunless cliffs
And of grey waters.
Let the gods speak softly of us
In days hereafter,
The shadowy flowers of Orcus
Remember thee.

Friday, Oct 19, 2001:
I just wanted to share my excitement. I saw the speech pathologist (Sandi Bojm) and she's fantastic. I am going to work with her, beginning in a week or so. She is helping me to get a small grant to aid in the $90.00 hr. cost. I took the weekend to think things over and consider all the options out there...just to be sure. She really wants to work with me (I like her energy alot) and vice versa. I don't remember the last time I felt so hopeful, and free. There has been such a weight on me for so many years Diane. It felt so good to talk with somebody who understood my dilemma, and can help me. It's funny. Even she found it difficult to detect my problem, and as a result could sense my frustration with it. It is very real and detrimental to my self-esteem. In the same way that I use avoidance tactics in speech I use them in life. I avoided a career out of poor self-image and fear (fear of my secret being revealed). I avoid good things... feeling that I am not worthy of them. It is fascinating stuff for me because it ties together so many of the difficulties in my life. I realize change will be difficult and very challenging. But never have I wanted, or needed, it more. I just wanted to tell you how happy this makes me, and share something positive with you. K.

sent to me on Wed, May 29th 2002:

There’s a poetry in the light
Subdued and strained
Yet plain to see as the rain
Hammering down
But not near to perceive
As the colours
Which bend and weave
Across the length of a day
All the pinks and greens
Textured hues of each
Married to the soft yellows and blues
Stemming forth from an earthly kiss
And reaching all the way up
Where blue becomes black
Stars alight on a midnight canvas
There’s a poetry in the light.

sent to me on Wed, Nov 7th, 2001:

There is a carnival about our lives
the sweet, consuming song of the calliope
calls our spirits to dance
...it is tea-time for the demon
and again I have bittered his drink!
...Skipping stones
over deep water..